A Thanksgiving Surprise
JOKE OF THE DAY: AN OLD COUPLE HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR 50 YEARS. EVERY MORNING (WITHOUT FAIL), THE MAN EMITTED AN ECHOING BURST OF GAS WHEN HE GOT OUT OF BED AND THEN LAUGHED LIKE A MADMAN. ALSO, EVERY MORNING, HIS WIFE WOULD ADMONISH HIM: “ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU’RE GOING TO BURST YOUR GUTS OUT.”
IT’S THANKSGIVING MORNING. THE OLD MAN IS SLEEPING IN, AND THE OLD LADY IS IN THE INITIAL STEPS OF PREPARING THE TURKEY. WHILE SHE HAS A HANDFUL OF TURKEY INNARDS, SHE GETS AN IDEA:
SHE TIPTOES UP THE STAIRS AND INTO THE BEDROOM. SHE CAREFULLY PULLS BACK THE WAISTBAND OF HER HUSBAND’S JOCKEY SHORTS AND LOADS HIM UP WITH WARM TURKEY GUTS.
AN HOUR LATER, THE WOMAN HEARS HIM STIRRING. SHE HEARS HIS FEET HIT THE FLOOR AND THE EXPECTED BOOM-LAUGH SEQUENCE. THE LAUGH STOPS ABRUPTLY AND IS FOLLOWED BY A SCREAM AND THEN 10 MINUTES OF UTTER SILENCE.
THE MAN EVENTUALLY COMES DOWN THE STAIRS.⬇He looks pale and shaken. His wife, trying to suppress a giggle, asks, “What’s wrong, dear? You’re awfully quiet this morning.”
He stares at her with wide, bewildered eyes and whispers, “Martha… Martha… you were right.”
Martha, now full of glee and expecting a confession of utter disgust, beams and says, “Right about what, you old fool?”
The old man shakes his head slowly. “I… I finally did it, Martha. I finally burst my guts.” He pauses, looking utterly traumatized, then adds in a hushed voice, “And they weren’t even mine!”