The Prison Comedy Handbook
Three convicts were traveling on a bus toward prison, each permitted to bring one item to help them pass the time during their incarceration. While on the road, one prisoner turned to his companion and asked what he had brought. The second prisoner produced a box of paints, explaining that he intended to paint everything he could find and hoped to become the Grandma Moses of the penitentiary. He then turned to the first prisoner, who pulled out a deck of cards with a grin, noting that they would allow him to play poker, solitaire, gin, and countless other games.
The third convict sat quietly to the side, wearing a smug expression. Sensing his confidence, the other two asked what he had brought to the prison. The man pulled out a box of tampons, smiled, and declared he was set. When his puzzled companions asked what on earth he could possibly do with those, he pointed to the box and replied that, according to the packaging, he could now go horseback riding, swimming, and roller skating.
In another instance, a man was sent to prison for the first time. On his first night, as the lights in the cell block were dimmed, his cellmate walked over to the bars and shouted, Number twelve! The entire cell block erupted in laughter. A few minutes later, another prisoner shouted, Number four! and again, the whole block broke out into hysterics.
Curious, the new guy asked his cellmate what was happening. The older prisoner explained that because they had all been locked up together for so long, they had memorized the same library of jokes. To save time, they simply shouted the number assigned to each joke instead of reciting the whole thing.
Wanting to join in, the new guy walked over to the bars and yelled, Number twenty-nine! This time, the reaction was explosive. The entire cell block rocked with laughter, and prisoners were rolling on the floor in hysterics. When the noise finally died down, the bewildered new guy turned to his roommate and asked why they had laughed so hard at his attempt. The older man wiped tears from his eyes and replied that they had simply never heard that one before.
